


But I Believe There is Chemistry Causing Explosions and Lightening

by unafraidlouis



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Blowjobs, Coming Out, Falling In Love, Fingering, First Time, Flirting, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Humor, Love, M/M, Making Love, Masturbation, Pining, Rimming, Sex, Sex in a Car, Shower Sex, handjobs
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-27
Updated: 2014-09-04
Packaged: 2018-02-15 00:16:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,315
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2208423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unafraidlouis/pseuds/unafraidlouis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>au in which harry is in love with everything about louis but louis doesn't even know himself yet</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi hello this is my very time ever writing a fic. SORRY FOR TYPOS I REALLY AM SORRY!! 
> 
> I'll probably update every day if not every other day. This is all fun in games. Which means it's NOT REAL. I love Harry and Louis and I was bored and this just popped into my my mind, and here I am!! 
> 
> I would like to thank @zjmftlouis for being my beta and reading, and motivating me to write god bless her love her! Also @harrytif she helped me with the summary! Plus I wanted to add her because I love her and she loves harryandlouis just as much as me :)))) GOD BLESS @jimmyfalloun for fixing my errors she is a life saver okay!! yeah so I hope you enjoy this I enjoy writing so don't be afraid to leave comments also you can tweet me my twitter is @chestattou and my tumblr is rosetattou.tumblr.com! 
> 
> So without further a due begin on a magical journey :)

Is this what it is like to be in love, knowing you cant have something or someone it is actually tearing you apart at the seams?

All Harry had wanted was for Louis to finally realize that he loved him more than he thought was possible. He couldn't very well tell him though. One, because Louis didn't know who Harry was and two, because Louis wasn't gay. 

It's not that Harry was a _stalker_ (or a creeper or anything like that), it was just that he liked to stare at Louis while he wrote notes or went to the board in class. Oh, _especially_ when he went to the board because he would turn around and you could see his perfect bum. Louis liked to wear really tight jeans that honestly looked as though they were painted on him. (It was awesome for Harry.) 

But Harry cant just come out and say _oh hey I like you I want to kiss you until you can’t breathe_ because that would be bad for both him and Louis. Louis would be embarrassed that a guy, for starters, said that they liked him, and because, once again, Louis isn't gay. Also if he _were_ to happen to turn out gay Harry wasn't worthy of him. 

When Harry first came out it wasn't as bad as he thought it was going to be. He’d never really been with a lot of guys, so he figured he wasn't good enough. That was until Harry met Cayden. He was so lovely and he was so caring, and he knew just how to treat Harry. But he would never do anything except a little peck in the lips in private. He would act as if he wasn't even Harry’s boyfriend when they were in public. It took a few weeks for Harry to realize it, but when he did, Harry broke up with him. He felt used, and not good enough since he wasn’t being shown off. That hurt him, sure, but he moved on quickly when his best friend Niall took him to a party. He’d been drunk, and made out with a random guy. Long story short, Cayden saw, so. Score. 

And then Harry thought he was in love with his next boyfriend after that, but he was wrong, and he was used yet again. 

Harry often wondered if Louis and him were to date whether or not Louis would use him just like the others. All he wanted was for someone to look at him and think he was the most beautiful person in the world. Harry found a lot of people beautiful and he had no problem telling the people that they were. It hurt him knowing that no one felt like that towards him. He found Louis beautiful, obviously. Everything about him is, and not even _just_ beautiful. Enchanting, lovely, breathtaking. His hair  was so flow-y and Harry liked to imagine that his stubble would feel amazing on his neck. 

 _Stop now don't think that you’re gonna get a stiffy in the middle of class. Fuck._  

Harry felt himself blush so hard, sure that his ears were red as well. And in his frantic looking around making sure no one was watching him he didn’t realize that Louis was trying to ask him a question.

“Hey, bud. You don't look well, do you need to go to the nurse?" Louis was looking at Harry with his ocean blue eyes and Harry felt a bit lost. So lost that all he could mange was a nod. Harry stood up as fast he could. When he got to the door, he was rushing so fast, he ran into the door and fell back flat on bum. Louis rushed over to help him up, and to see if he was okay.

"Hey you sure you don’t need some help? You really don't look okay.”  
Louis seemed more concerned than he should be over Harry. _Why does he care that I'm not feeling well, or that I've fallen over?_ Everyone else was laughing at him. So, why of all people did Louis care to help Harry? 

He helped Harry to stand up, and called over his shoulder. "Hey Mrs. Cruder, I'm going to take Harry to nurses offices he’s extremely dizzy, and doesn’t seem to be able walk straight.”

The entire class burst into laughter at Louis’ choice of words. Harry pulled away from Louis fast, and start jiggling the handle to the door. It wouldn’t open and Harry was getting extremely frustrated. He felt like he was going to cry. Louis came over, then, and gently moved Harry’s hands away from the door knob. Harry’s hands went straight to his sides, and he didn’t look at anyone. They were all still laughing, and all Harry wants to do is go home and just _cry_. Mrs. Cruder did nothing at all to get them to stop laughing, which, that was extremely rude on the teacher’s part. Bullying shouldn't be tolerated at all. This place was a piece of shit, anyway, so that's probably why they didn't care. 

Louis opened the door, and held a hand out indicating for Harry to walk out first. _Such a gentleman_ was all Harry could think, and how he wished he was alone in his bedroom. They get out into the hallway and it was dead silent except for their footsteps which sounded a lot louder in Harry’s head. It was making his head spin knowing Louis was so close to him, and he couldn’t touch him, couldn’t tell him everything that is right about him. So he walked in silence, hoping Louis would say something soon. 

And it's like he read Harry’s mind.

“Look, I'm really sorry for what I said back there. I didn't mean— I didn't know... I'm just really sorry. I would never try to intentionally hurt someone for being brave enough to be themselves." Louis stumbled on his words, and by the end of his apology it was barely a whisper. He looked so sweet, being full of worry that he’d actually hurt Harry. He didn’t, though. It was everyone else around him, and the teacher who didn't care. In that moment he was very thankful for Louis for so many reasons. 

Harry stopped walking, and looked at Louis like he was crazy, becausewhat was he apologizing for? 

 _He was the only who cared that I hurt myself when everyone else was laughing_. 

And he says that.

"Why are you apologizing? If I'm being honest you're the only person who’s, who is um, being nice to me." He felt that telling Louis this would somehow show much he liked the blue-eyed boy. "I'm pretty sure if you weren't there in that room just now I would have cried just trying to open the door." 

He said like it was the worst thing in the world to happen to him. He looked at Louis for the first time since he’d apologized. Louis was smiling up at him. Just looking at him, and listening. Which, that isn't what happens when Harry talks. No one listens to him, ever. "The door clearly states _pull_ , and I would be pushing." Harry felt like he was on _fire_. Such an idiot. He was never going to talk to anyone ever again. Everything he says is wrong. Louis was going to laugh at him, and tell everyone that Harry was stupid. 

But Harry knew he was lying to himself when he thought that. Louis would never do that. He’d just apologized for the way he stated a phrase so he could help him to the nurses office. _Gentleman_. Harry smiled to himself as the conversation dropped off.

They got to the nurses office, and it was closed. So they ended up having to go all the way over to the B building. Harry acted like he was upset. (He’s not because that meant more time with Louis.) Louis finally answered Harry back when they were halfway there. _Bummer,_ Harry thinks, they could have had such a lovely conversation. Then he turned his thought process around, maybe Louis was just trying to be thoughtful, trying to think of what to stay so it didn’t come out wrong.

"I'm not too sure why people are not being nice to you." Harry was blushing. Hardcore. "It's a shame, really, you seem like a really nice person, and I really feel bad when people judge someone without even knowing them." _What was happening?_ Harry kept repeating that in is his head. He felt like his body had sparks going through it. 

Louis opened the door to the nurses office, and their arms brushed, and it was like getting struck by lightening. Harry was frozen. He wanted to continue touching Louis. Just small touches but he felt like that's wasn't okay for him to do. So he pulled away, and turned so his face wasn't towards Louis because he knew himself: is face was as red as a firetruck. 

Louis reached for Harry to turn him around after he is done signing in on the time sheet. Harry's arm felt like hundreds of lightening bolts went through it. Louis was _touching_ him. And was gentle; not a punch to the face, not a punch to the stomach, or a kick in the shins. It was feather like, soft, warm, caring. He turned around looking at the ground as though he’d done something wrong. 

"What's wrong?” Louis asked, concern still etched into his beautiful face. It shouldn't be there. _Why is it there? Oh yeah._

"I'm fine I'm just not feeling well. People always treat me differently because you know I’m…" He didn’t even want to say it because Louis will probably act as though it didn’t bother him when in reality it did. “Never mind it doesn't matter,” he finished as he picked at a loose string on his shirt, Mentally reminding himself to cut it off when he got home.

"Hey listen just because your you know..." he trailed off probably too offended to say the word, "Gay." He said it. “That doesn't mean you deserve to be treated any differently.” _Why is he being so nice to me I don't deserve this? And the fact I'm in love with him is making this worse._ He really needed to stop talking before Harry started crying. 

Louis didn’t get a chance to say more, though, because the nurse was calling Harry back to the room.

Harry sat on the chair, and the nurse asked what was wrong. He told her, and she took his temperature. He had a fever. Which, great, that means he had to go home, awesome. She took his blood pressure, as well, and asked if anything hurt. He sure was not going to tell her that his ribs hurt from the beating he got the day before. It happened when you were gay. You got those kind of greetings at school.

"Nothing hurts, but is it alright if I call my mom to see if she can pick me up?”

“Yes, darling, dial 9 first then the number."

"Where's the phone?" he asked kind of awkwardly, thinking she was going to yell at him for being stupid. But she just points at the door, and said _front desk, love_.

Harry thanked her, and walked out to the front desk. He told the lady sitting there that he was told to call his mom. She smiled, and gave the phone to him.

He waited for the ringing to come to a stop and his mother’s voice to come through the receiver. 

“Mom, hi it's Harry. I have a fever, is there anyway you could come—yeah no it's fine. I can just walk. No mom it's okay I know you have… I promise, I'm fine see you when you get home, love you." 

Harry hung up the phone, and gave the phone back to the lady. She smiled sadly up at him. She wrote him a pass saying that he can leave early. Harry turned around to walk out, eyes blurry from the tears he hasn't let out yet.

"You don't really think I'm allowing you to walk home when you have a fever _and_ look as though your going to fall over, do you?" a small gentle voice asked. Louis. Harrys head snapped up, regretting having tears close to falling out. _Why is he still here? Why didn't he leave? Is he taking pity on me?_

“What— Why are you still here?" Harry asked as calmly as he could. He didn't think Louis was going to still be there when he got out.

"Because I wanted to make sure you're okay? Isn't that was friends are for?" 

Friends? When did Louis, and him become friends? 

He looked at Louis kind of confused as to when they made that conclusion. He wasn't aware of it. 

"Unless you don't want to be friends. That's okay you don't have to be my friend." Harry cant help the smile on his face because _of course_ Louis would ask if it was _okay_ to be friends. Harry _was_ okay with it, though. There wasn't even a doubt in his mind. Also, if that meant he can spend time with him then, _yes_ they can most definitely be friends. And Louis didn’t care that Harry was gay, _that_ was really relieving to know. 

Louis opened the door for Harry, again. _Gentleman_. They got to Louis' car, and it's a Dodge Challenger. It's the most beautiful thing Harry had ever seen. It was his favorite car of all time. But Harry wasn't going to spill those details just yet. Harry was always the one who gives, and everyone takes, and gives nothing in return. Not this time.

"Of course we can be friends, I don't mind. But everyone else might,” he warned when they were in the car. “Especially your friends who gave me this." He lifted his shirt, self aware he had just shown Louis his body. Great. 

Louis gasped so loud that Harry thought he heard Louis' heart breaking. Louis didn’t say anything for a long time. He looked angry, though, and sad at the time. Like he wanted to apologize for what they did but also beat the living shit out them too. It's so beautiful. _Why does he care so much?_ Harry still wasn't understanding why anyone would want to be friends with him. They sat in silence until Louis asks for Harry address.

"3213 South Fourth street.”

Louis made a sharp left, and Harry had just realized that they were going the wrong way. 

They got to Harry’s street and Louis still hadn't said anything about the bruises. Harry mentally kicks himself for being too bold.

"This is my house right here." Harrys voice is tiny, and when Louis stops the car he puts his hands over Harry’s when he reached to unbuckle his seatbelt. Harry’s heart was racing so fast he didn’t know if he was breathing at all. Which he wasn't, and he was getting light headed. Louis removed his hands, and locked the doors so Harry couldn’t get out. 

Harry was nervous, so he tried a joke. "Are you trying to kidnap me and kill me? Because if so I know maybe one or two people who would miss me." It didn’t work, and Louis is looking down with his eyes shut extremely tight like he was trying to get rid of the memory of the bruises.

“Harry… I’m. I’m so, so, _so_ sorry." Louis was crying. Quiet crying. Harry wished he was a quiet crier… Maybe Louis could teach them since they _were_ friends. Louis face looked like he wished he hadn’t seen the bruises. Harry didn’t know what to say, so he reached for Louis' shoulder and Louis brought his hand up to where Harry’s hands were. He looked Harry in the eyes, and Harry wanted to cry knowing Louis that was crying over him. He was crying because someone had taken it upon themselves to inflict pain onto Harry.

"Louis it's okay. I deserved it."

Louis was very blunt. “Why, because you're gay?" That hurt. But it only hurt because that's exactly why he deserved it.

“Yeah. Well, that's why they do it so I just assume that's why I deserve it." Louis was shaking his head vigorously, trying to stop Harry from saying those words.

"No Harry. You don't deserve that at all. I'm so sorry you get so much thrown at you, literally and figuratively. Please know, as your _friend_ , I would never want to make you feel less for being you. Also I'm going to have a talk with those pricks that did that to you." 

Harry didn’t know what to say. He unbuckled himself and wished he was alone to cry properly. ”Please stop saying things that aren't true, and unlock the door. I appreciate the lies, and ride home,” Harry said, so slow and full of tears he was still waiting to let out.

“They… You honestly think I'm lying to you.” He took a deep breath. “Harry I know people are rude to you, and I can see why you are- are to scared to allow people to be nice to you. Also for you to believe them. I get it, believe me. But I'm here, and I am your friend I'm not here to hurt you like everyone else." Louis was still quietly crying to himself with his knuckles turning white on the steering wheel.

"Please unlock the door,” was all Harry could say, and he heard the lock clicking. He got out, and he felt bad but he didn’t want to believe Louis. He didn’t mean those things. He shut the door to the car, and walked away slowly. He could hear Louis hitting the steering wheel over, and over again. 

 _Why is he angry at himself?_ He doesn't need to be. Harry deserved those punches the steering wheel was receiving. He was always told that. He walked around to the driver side window and crouched down, lightly tapping on the window waiting for Louis to roll it down. When he did, he was no longer quiet crying, he was crying real tears. Harry noted that he looked beautiful. He wants to kiss the tears away… but that's too gay for _just friends_.

“Listen," Harry said, voice thick, "I'm the one who should be sorry, not you." He paused to think of the right words. "You don't have to talk to those guys who did this to me, they don't mean anything. They aren't going to be in my life once I graduate. I’ll live, okay?. They’re just immature high schoolers who think it's okay to bring people down for being different. They don't matter. I'm okay I promise." Harry finished it, knowing he was lying.

“Harry, the fact you just said that makes you one percent better than them even if you didn't mean it. Which I can tell you don't. You are just telling yourself that so you don't have to deal with it. I'm not allowing it to continue." Louis was trying his best not to cry again, Harry could tell. It was heartbreaking.

"Please don't cry over me… I mean, what they did to me. I don't like seeing you cry." _Shit,_ that was too much. Louis probably felt weirded out, and wanted to run Harry over for being too gay, and right about now Harry wouldn't mind getting ran over. But Louis doesn't bat an eyelash at what Harry said.

"I'm allowed to cry over my friend who is getting beaten,” he said so gently that Harry wanted to reach inside the car and hug him. He didn’t, but he wished he could.

“Well, I'm okay now, I promise. I'm going to go inside, and sleep the rest of the day, and quite possibly tomorrow. I really don't feel well."

"Do you want me to walk you to your door?" Harry realized then that they were in the middle of his drive way in front if his neighbors. Oh, well, they probably thought it was Harry’s boyfriend. Making up after they fought inside the car. Which, that wasn't the case but they didn’t know that.

"No I'm okay I'll see you 4th period. Same time, same place on Wednesday?"

"I hope you are okay, and yeah same time, same place." Louis waved and rolled up his window. He drove away, leaving Harry alone in the driveway. Even if Louis did walk him to his house it would have been, like, two steps. _Why would he be willing to do that? To be seen in public with Harry?_  

Harry walked slowly to the front door, and unlocked it. He removed his shoes, and walked impossibly slow up the stairs feeling all achy. He got to his room, and slipped under his covers. 

He fell asleep instantly.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi hello :) id like to thank @jimmyfalloun for correcting my error god bless and @maliklwt for being my beta and tell me to write she is a lovebug :)))

Harry woke up to the sound of his mother making dinner. He didn't feel like getting up but he hadn't eaten since morning and needed something in his stomach so he didn't, like, pass out.

He wordlessly got out of bed, and made his way down the stairs to the kitchen.

“Hi, Mum,” Harry said close to a whisper.

"What are you doing out of bed, love?" she asked so sweetly that Harry wanted to hug her.

So he did. He came to where she was standing and pulled her in for a hug. He was desperately trying not to cry but it didn't seem to work.

"I think I made a friend,” he said into her chest while still holding on for dear life.

"Ohh honey, that's so great. And what’s their name?"

“His name’s Louis."

Harry hadn't had a lot of friends and his mother knew how hard it was for him except someone to actually be his friend at all.

"I'm assuming he’s the one who came by the house and left those?"

Harry let go of his mother and looked at her with weary eyes.

 _What is she talking about he doesn't know where I live_? Half a second later: _yes he does_.

He turned his head to look at what his mother was pointing at. He almost collapsed from pure joy. _Why did he send these? Do friends do that?_ He walked over to the table that the gift is sitting on and just stares. He wished he had Louis' phone number.

"Honey don't cry it's only a care box. I snooped, and there’s one flower… Though, I'm not too sure which it is." Its a lily. “Also, there’s a note." She raised the pitched of her voice on “note.”

He looked completely dumbfounded by the fact that Louis even did this.

"He brought this himself?” he asked again to make sure that he heard right.

“Yeah, a little while ago. He had a nice car… it was sliver." _It was Louis, but why?_ And it was like everyone was able to read Harry's mind lately. "He said he hopes you feel better, and to read the note because it's very important."

Harry’s mom left the room after that. She probably thought he wants privacy. He walked over to the kitchen area and reached for a vase for the lovely flower.

 _Why would he get me a flower? I'm not dying. He is a true gentleman_. _He isn't afraid to be friends with a gay man, and will send him a care box, a flower, and an important note_.

He put the single lily in the vase and carried the box and vase to his room. He set down the vase on his desk. It looked lovely, so lovely that he just had to pull it out of the vase, and smell it.

_I wonder if this is what Louis smells like. Like a fresh flower._

He put the flower back, smiling fondly to himself.

Then, the note, right. Important.

He set the box on his bed and sat crossed legged. He took a deep breath, and reached in the box for the note. He hoped it said something sweet and cute but at the same he didn’t. He was already in love with him, and anything he said would most likely cause Harry to cry because he was such a _gentleman_.

_Hi Harry,_

_It's your friend Louis here and I brought this over because I want you to feel better, and get back to school. I miss my fourth period buddy, even though we didn't talk until today._

He is so cute. Why did Harry pick him to be in love with? He was such a good friend, and Harry’s stuck in his room dreaming about being with him in a different way.

_I've always wanted to be your friend, and I'm so happy we are now. Come back soon! Also, I made you this box of stuff you need when you are sick! I saw it on Pinterest and thought it was awesome so I had to do it._

_Love, Louis_

P.S The flower was from my garden.

And his number was tacked on the end.

Harry wasn’t breathing, or moving, and he didn’t know if he would be able to ever again. He thought about him when he was at home. He looked up gifts on Pinterest. He made the care box and delivered it while Harry was sleeping so he would have it when he woke up.

Harry was definitely in love with his new friend.

He wondered if Louis was nervous at all when he brought it over, if he stood outside the door rehearsing what he would say to Harry’s mother.

He got his phone out and saved the number. He was too nervous to text him but he felt like if didn’t he would feel extremely bad. Louis went through all this trouble to make Harry feel better.

He felt like _maybe_ Louis liked him a little.

_Hey, it's Harry! I just woke up and I love the care box you brought over that was beyond kind of you. You didn't have to do that, but I will most definitely use everything in the box :) .xx_

He set his phone down thinking it would be a while before he got a text back.

He was wrong.

_hi harry !! i know it wasnt something i shouldve done but i wanted to. i like seeing you smile get well soon ! :)_

Harry wondered if that normal for a friend to say that to another male friend.

_That means a lot Louis, I'll be back tomorrow I promise! Same place same time right?_

Harry hit send and wondered if that was a little to couply. Like, wouldn't you say that to your boyfriend not your best friend? Promising to be somewhere so you guys could talk and hangout? Even though Harry would have to go to that place at that time because it is school, but he could use the excuse that he was there for Louis.

_Same place same time :)_

_And why did he send a smiley? Was he smiling when I sent that?_ This was not going to turn out okay for Harry. It never did. He didn’t reply back because he was afraid he might accidentally tell Louis he was in love with him.

He took some of the Advil that Louis had so kindly brought over for him and tried to get back to sleep.

But he couldn’t. He closed his eyes and all he saw is Louis' eyes. His lovely blue get-lost-in-them-the-second-you-see-them eyes. His smile and his little teeth. Harry felt like he was going to lose his mind because Louis consumed his thoughts.

He does fall asleep, eventually, but woke up to a text from Louis. He brought his phone to life and squinted at the bright screen. (Why is my brightness up so high?) He opened the text, and his face was hot. He was already blushing. He could feel it.

Want to hangout after school on Wednesday we can study for that god awful test we have on Friday and play video games ?

Is that even a _question_? Of _course_ Harry wants to, but Louis is asking in a different way than Harry wants it. Louis is asking as his friend and nothing more.

He spent his Tuesday just lying down and focusing on not throwing up. He really was sick.

_Hey Harry are you feeling any better ?_

It was Louis. He was such a wonderful friend. His first thought when he came out of school was to text Harry.

 _I'm not doing well I'm going to the doctors right now. How was school_?

He genuinely wanted to know so he thought he would ask.

_It sucked I have no one to talk to, and your seat in fourth period looks lonely._

Why God why was this happening. Harry couldn’t take just being friends with him. This was not going to work. He was going to "accidentally" kiss him.

_You know my seat was probably lonely last week when I decided I didn't want to go also. I think my seat is okay. Maybe it's the seat next to it that is missing it._

Harry blushes  at himself because why did he send that? That was way out of the comfort zone for "just friends.” 

_ maybe you're right I do miss you.  _

Woah that's not okay. They were just friends though, right? This was normal "friend" talk? Harry didn’t know he wasn’t good at the whole friends thing. 

_ You don't miss me you've only talked to me once, and you cried. _

_ I cried because I was really upset people wanted to hurt you, and also because it took me a while to actually talk to you.  _

This was not a conversation between just friends anymore. This was something more. 

_ Louis are you okay ? This doesn't sound like a conversation "just friends" would be having.  _

He hesitated to send it but he felt like he should, just to be clear they are friends. 

_ Yeah no I'm fine just miss my buddy that's all.  _

Well, that wasn't what he was expecting. 

_ Yeah, anyways I'll just see you at school tomorrow right? Yeah. Feel better, Harry.  _

With that, he didn’t text Louis back after his appointment. Although Harry got the feeling that Louis would want to know what the doctor said. 

Harry’s alarm goes off at 6am. _Wonderful_ , school. He got up to take a shower, and after he was done went over to his closet to grab a T-shirt and his skinny jeans. He made his way over to his desk for his keys and phone, glancing briefly at the flower. Needless to say he walked away with a smile on his face. 

He ran downstairs, grabbed a banana, said goodbye to his mother, and he was on his way. Or so he thought.

“Hey." 

_What the hell_? Harry knew that voice, but why was it there on his front lawn at 7am on a Wednesday.

"What are you doing here?" he asked, a little nervous. 

"You didn't text me, and I was worried that I did something wrong. " 

Harry stared at him in disbelief. 

“Louis, you did nothing wrong. Are you sure you're okay? You seem different.”

Louis looked like he'd been cornered by the question. He was blushing, and he kept fidgeting on his feet. He looked as though he wanted to tell Harry something, but was too afraid Harry would make fun of him. 

Harry continued to stare at him. Not even in his eyes because Louis wouldn’t look at him. But he just stared, and wished he could kiss every part of Louis' body. He looked so lovely, blushing in front of him. 

“No," Louis said sadly. "No Harry, I don't think I'm okay."

Harry was scared. Why wasn't he okay? Did I do something?

“Louis, you don't have to tell me what's wrong but I would be lying if I said you weren’t scaring me right now. What's going on?" He knew he had so much concern on his face, he felt like he could burst.

Harry was looking at Louis’ hands where they were shaking by his sides. He wanted so badly to hold him and make it stop. He heard Louis sniffle. Which, no. 

“Louis," Harry said again, quietly because he didn’t want to startle him. He looked so fragile, fragile enough that if Harry were to hug him he would break. 

"I'm so sorry, Harry I have to go. I shouldn't have came here." Louis looked disoriented for a second he turned towards Harry’s car. He shut his eyes then shook his head. “Sorry," he said again as he turned the other way to head over to his car.

Harry still didn’t know what to do, so he reached for Louis' hand and turned him around, so he was facing him. Harry realized that he was holding his friends hand. He let go immediately and moved his hands to Louis shoulders so he would stay in place.

“Louis, please tell me what's wrong, I'm really worried. Did something happen? Are you hurt? Do I need to call someone?" 

Louis was shaking his head the entire time Harry was talking, because apparently none of that was helping.

"I think I like you."

_What_? _No. He is definitely lying to me_. 

“Oh," Harry said, a little taken back. "Well that's good I like you too."

“No, Harry. I think I like really really like you."

“Oh." Harry doesn't think he gets it at first then he repeats himself again. “Oh. Oh, oh my God, Louis."

Harry let go of Louis' shoulders and backed away slowly. He’d never been in this situation before. No one had ever said they liked him and _meant_ it. 

“Harry, don't walk away from me please. I need someone." 

“Louis, I wasn't going to leave you. I’m going to ask my mum if I could stay home from school." 

Harry looked at Louis, and he is smiling through his tears. 

_Did he just come out to me_? _Does he know what he wants_? _Can he possibly like me_? 

He went inside and was back outside next to Louis within three minutes. 

"Do you want to take my car or yours?" Louis didn’t say anything, but walked over to Harry’s car. Louis got in the car, and was looking at the ground.

“Hey, are you okay?" Harry asked again, because he didn’t think Louis was at all.

"Do you hate me?" Harry was appalled Louis would ever ask that.

"Never. Are we going to your hou-" 

“No, oh God no stop the car I can’t do this I need to throw up." Louis was saying before Harry could finish his sentence. 

Harry stopped the car, and Louis got out. He fell to his hands and knees, crying while he threw up. Harry gets out of the car to go to him, go on his hands and knees as well, and rubbed Louis' back. 

"Do you want to go somewhere quiet?" He allowed Louis to calm down a little and helped him back into the car, then rushed to the drivers side. 

"Where is this quiet place?" Louis asked, a little teasingly.

“That's for me to know, and for you to find out."


	3. Chapter 3

It only took them about ten minutes to get to the place Harry was headed to. Louis didn’t look at Harry at all the whole ride, just leaned his head on the window and stared out at the moving trees.

“Louis? We're here."

Harry unbuckled himself, and waited for Louis to do the same.

He couldn't help but feel sorry for Louis because he honestly didn't deserve the pain he was feeling. Harry could see it in the way his arms moved hesitantly to unbuckle the seatbelt. The way he doesn't look at Harry at all, but only at the scene in front of him through the windshield.

"How did you find this place?" Louis' eyes were so big and full of wonder, masking how he really felt. His eyes said something different than his aching heart.

"I found it when I was pissed off at my mum. I was just driving, and I saw it." Harry looked out the window and just smiled. "I found it on accident I suppose." He wondered if Louis could see how much this place meant to him.

"It's so breathtaking. Have you ever gone inside?"

Harry laughed a little. Of course he has. Why wouldn't he want to go in an abandon amusement park?

"Once or twice. It's no fun alone, though.”

“Do— um… Do you not bring people here a lot?" Louis was nervous again, as if being there was going to ruin Harry's special   place. It broke Harry's heart; he just wanted to hold Louis until he knew for sure he was safe.

"No I— never. It’s special to me."

Louis looked so sad. Harry wanted to hold him and remind him that he deserved the world. He wanted so badly to be the one that was always there for Louis when he was upset, and needed someone to talk to. Maybe he was, he just didn't know it yet.

"I'm sorry I ruined your special place. We could leave if you want to find somewhere else to go for the day?"

Harry wanted to tell him that he made the place better, and it had only just become special because of him. He decided maybe that was too much to confess. But it had never been more true. He wanted Louis to know that he made every place he went to better. His smile alone could melt hearts.

It had melted one heart already.

“But I don’t want to leave."

And just like that Louis was smiling. It was so lovely for Harry to see Louis smiling even if it wasn't a full smile. He made him smile. It was small but Harry saw it and was trying, and failing, to hide his own smile because of it.

"Would you like to go inside and ride some of the rides with me?"

Harry was so nervous, holding onto the car door gripping it so tight that his knuckles turned white. He let go, and rubbed his palm against his pant leg to get rid of the sweat collecting on it when he heard Louis' small voice.

"Harry."

 _Oh God here it comes_.

If he thought he was nervous before, he was wrong, because now he was a new level of nervous. Louis was going to break Harry's heart without even knowing it; he was confused, and only thought that he liked him. Harry thought it would hurt less than this.

He wasn't ready.

His heart was shattering even before Louis started talking. Here comes the " _I'm sorry we could still be friends_.” Which is a lie. Harry couldn't " _just be friends_ " with Louis. Not anymore at least.

“Louis, if you were going to tell me you were confused, and didn't know why you said what you said please don’t continue."

Little pieces of Harry's heart were falling, and he didn't believe anything would be able to pick them back up, and mold them back into place correctly after this.

He felt weak after saying that he didn't want it to be true at all.

“I— Harry, I wasn't going to say that." Louis looked so nervous, wouldn’t even look Harry in the eyes. Harry just wanted to see those beautiful eyes again. Wanted to see them glow when he found something funny.

"Then what were y—”

He didn't get to finish his question when Louis was already answering it.

"Have you ever liked someone? Or maybe _loved_? I'm not sure… Maybe this is what it is?"

He was asking himself more than Harry, it seemed.

"Have you ever felt like when they were around your world is just whole, and you could breath again?”

 _Yes_.

"And the mere thought of them not being with you made your world not so whole anymore."

 _Yes_. _You_.

"I want to hold your hand, and make every person jealous. I want to be the reason for that smile"

Harry was trying not to smile, but he honestly couldn't hide it anymore.

“Yeah, that smile right there."

Louis leaned over the arm rest, and kissed one of Harry's dimples. Lightly so very lightly. It made Harry feel like he was on fire.

 _I'm not okay_ , kept going through Harry's mind.

He thought Louis was done with him. He’d never been so happy to be wrong.

"Every time you weren't at school I felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest."

Harry wanted to stop Louis from saying anymore, but he didn't want this to end. He knew when it was over he was going to have to tell Louis that what he was feeling was mutual. Harry couldn't string together enough words to get the point across to Louis that he was the _only_ reason Harry smiled anymore.

"You bring so much joy to every room you walk into. Your smile is so lovely the very first time I made you smile, like, truly smile I thought I was melting. You are the only person I've ever wanted to actually sit, and talk about for hours. I could talk about everything that is right about, and why you deserve the world. I want to do that. I need to do that. You make me feel like my world is so much brighter."

Harry is one move away from kissing him mid-sentence. He wanted to taste the words Louis' heart was spilling out on his tongue.

I bet they’re sweet.

Harry looked at Louis wondering if he could see the love shining in his eyes. Louis was already looking at him with his eyes all bright, and telling a story. A story about how he fell in love with Harry.

"I want to hold you when you’re sad, and make sure you know everything is alright, and hug you until you say you can’t breathe."

His heart was about to burst, with sparks flying everywhere. Harry didn't know what to do or say. He felt like he was going to burn alive.

"Oh, and also I want to cook for you. I can’t cook for shit, but I would try for you. You make me want to be a better person Harry, everything you do is _so so so_ enchanting. I'm amazed people don’t want to come up to you, and instantly be your friend. You make people smile by just being near them."

Louis paused for a moment.

"I love it."

Louis looked like he was on the verge of tears again. Maybe they were happy tears, Harry didn't know. He didn't want to know because even if they were happy tears he has made someone special to him cry.

"Oh Louis.” Harry couldn't think straight. “Louis Louis Louis." He shut his eyes, trying to not cry himself.

He got out of the car, went over to Louis side, and opened his door, gesturing for him to get out. It took him a while but he finally did. He stood so there was a gap between him, and Harry. Harry didn't like it at all. He wanted to be close to him, and feel the warmth radiating off of him.

Harry just stared at him, searching for something that might tell him that what Louis had just said wasn't true. He saw nothing but a vast blue tunnel to Louis' heart, and that was where Harry wanted to be.

Harry pulls Louis close. So _very_ close. He was hovering over Louis, his hair is falling down in front of his eyes, and he didn't want to move it. Harry was transfixed on everything that was Louis.

Louis got on his tippy toes, and brought his lips level with Harry's, just ghosting over them.

"Harry please say something," he whispered right into Harry's mouth. Harry wanted so badly to feel those lips on his own. They were right there, so close yet so far.

"Um... I," He took a breath, "You blow my mind," Harry finally said. He was so close to Louis, and before this he didn't know if it was humanly possible to touch someone like that. He could feel the muscles move in Louis' back as he held him to his chest. He could feel the way Louis' lips were still hovering, breathing, inhaling him. Louis was blushing, and Harry couldn't do anything but stare at him. Harry let one of his hands go to Louis' cheek, thumb on his cheekbone and the rest of the four fingers around Louis' neck. Their foreheads were touching, and all Harry want to do is kiss the living shit out him. He was so needy for the feel of his lips pressed to Louis'.

_Does Louis want this? Is he okay with me touching him in this way. He isn't flinching away, but what if he does at one point? Then what?_

"Harry, you're shaking."

"Louis, you're shaking," he retorted mockingly.

"I have a reason to be shaking. You, on the other hand, not so much."

Harry let out a breath, and leaned away from Louis a little so he could look in his eyes. He stared at him, just memorizing the way his lips curled into a smile. It was breathtaking, knowing Harry was the reason for that smile right now.

"You have such a lovely smile."

Louis was blushing again, and wasn't trying to hide his smile anymore.

"Is that so?"

Harry let out a little laugh. _Testy_ , _aren't we_?

"Yes, Louis, indeed you do. I'm glad to know I'm the reason for it right now."

Harry leaned in so close to Louis' lips.

Hovering, waiting, teasing.

He didn't know if he could hold himself back anymore.

"Can I kiss you?" Harry whispered onto Louis' lips.

Louis shook his head for a moment, not being able to think of anything other than his body pressed to Harry's. When he nodded, his upper lips caught Harry's, and that was it.

Harry brought both of his hands up to cup Louis' face, not wanting to let him go anywhere because once he'd gotten a hold of those lips, nothing was going to take them away. Nothing.

He looked at Louis before he leaned in, and saw Louis getting all nervous again. He removed his hands from his face.

"Hey," Harry said in a smooth voice. Louis brought his hands up to hide his eyes, so Harry didn't have to see how much he wanted this but also how scared he was.

Harry gently moves his hand so he could see Louis' eyes again. A thousand lightening bolts shot through Louis' body just because of that one touch.

"It'll be okay," he whispered.

He had his eyes locked on Louis' once more, and his heart was racing faster than before.

_What if it isn't the best kiss he's ever had? I want to make it that for him._

Harry was so close to Louis' face that he could see a little scar on his eyelid, and wondered briefly how it got there. He wanted to know everything that made the man standing in front of him who he was. He could spend hours getting to know him better if Louis allowed him to do so. He never wanted to stop noticing those little things, the way the light reflected in his eyes or the way his body was so smooth to the touch.

But before he could ponder anything further, Louis brought their lips together in a sweet kiss. Harry responded immediately.

_His mouth is so warm. Don't stop never stop._

The caress of Louis' lips was softer than Harry could have ever imagined. Louis tasted tentatively with his tongue, and Harry opened his mouth with a low moan. It startled Louis, because he just suddenly pushed away as if he’d been burned. Louis backed away, and Harry knew he could see the hurt in his own eyes.

“I’m sorry, Harry,” he said in a strangled voice. “That wasn’t right.”

“It’s okay,” Harry said, looking at the ground. He was afraid of seeming too eager or disappointed. In fact, he wasn’t quite sure how to react, to the kiss or to Louis' sudden show of regret.

“That wasn’t right,” he said again.

Harry was upset, and Louis knew it by the way Harry just stood there dragging on his feet as he backed away from Louis.

"Why wasn't it right?" Harry asked, in a voice that sounded like he'd been punched. He wanted to go home, and never see him again. Ever.

Louis looked dumbfounded, and he honesty didn't know the answer. He wanted it to be right, but was it?

"Harry, I'm sorry" he said pleading. "I've never done... this. You know. With a boy. I don't know what I'm doing," he said close to a whisper, just wishing Harry would come back, and sit with him in one of the rides they were supposed to have gotten on.

Louis walked around to where Harry was sitting on the hood of the car, and gently tried to grab Harry's hand, avoiding looking into his eyes. He didn't want this to be awkward, but it was, and he didn't know what to do.

"Harry. Please listen to me."

"Louis, I think you said everything you wanted to say."

_Is Louis trying to break my heart? I wonder if he knows it's working._

Harry is about get off of the car, and lay in the field outside the park but Louis tugs on his shirt, indicating for him to stay. He didn't want to, but he gave in, only because it was Louis.

"Listen, I'm really, really sorry. I know you don't deserve what I've just done. I'm sorry I don't know what I'm doing or how to go about this. I'm new to it," Louis explained shyly. "I'm asking you to help me learn how to be a better person, Harry." He said it as a promise. A promise the moment Harry made him feel like a better person he would try, and be everything Harry needed, and wanted.

"You're already a good person Lou," Harry said, as though he should already know.

"Lou?"

"I don't know," Harry said with a blush, "It's a nickname, I think."

"You do realize it's just my name without the 'I-S' at the end, don't you?" Louis giggled and leaned his shoulder against Harry's. Bumping, nudging, feeling.

"Yes Lou, I'm well aware." His blush was deeper than before.

They stopped talking for a while, and it was getting darker, and the air is getting crisper. Harry got down, and Louis whined because of his absence. But before Louis could whine anymore Harry was back with a blanket, and wrapped it around their legs. Harry wanted to hold Louis to make him warm. He felt his chest tighten, knowing he couldn't do that.

"Are you mad at me?" Louis asked after they were snuggled into the blanket, close but not close enough for Harry's liking.

After a moment of thought, Harry needed to answer him. He silently said, "Louis, no. I'm not mad. Hurt, yes. But mad? Never."

"Do you not want to be my friend anymore?"

Harry didn't know how to convey how much he wanted to be more than friends. He wanted to be everything Louis wanted, everything Louis needed. He wanted to be the air that was escaping in the puffs from his mouth. He wanted to be his shirt so he could feel his heartbeat against the fabric. Harry wanted to be Louis' eyes so he could see how he saw himself.

 _Beautiful. wonderful. enchanting._  

"Louis, why are you acting as though I don't want to be around you or to go as far as thinking I wouldn't want to be your friend anymore?" He paused trying to think of a good enough answer. 

This conversation hurt a lot less when it was happening inside his head. Harry knew it was coming.

"Of course I do. All we did was kiss." He played off as if it was nothing.

Which, it wasn't nothing. It was something, something big, and will most likely cause Harry to stay up, and think for many nights in the near future about it.

"I just hurt your feelings, and I don't want to do that anymore." Louis felt like he was going to cry again. "I don't want to cause that pain in your eyes. I could see it, and the fact I caused it." He shuddered, trying not to cry, willing himself not to let the tears fall. "Made me feel like I'm not ever going to be able to make you smile again." Louis was crying again with his hands over his eyes to stop the tears.

Harry rolled so he was on his side facing Louis. He pulled Louis close, still not knowing if he was allowed to do so, but Louis wrapped his arms around whatever open space there was, and clung to Harry. It was so warm, the warmth Harry needed when he was hugging someone. He'd never felt like this in his entire life, and he didn't want it with anyone else.

"I would like if you didn't hurt me." He ran his hands through Louis' hair, eventually resting his hand on his cheek. "But sometimes you hurt the one you love." He squeezed his eyes shut to stop them burning.

Harry could feel Louis' hot tears on his forearm where his head was laying. All he heard was, I'm so sorry Harry, over, and over again.

"Hey, hey. It's okay, you're okay, I promise," he interjected after a moment too long of listening to Louis continue to apologize for nothing.

"I just want to be okay again. No one will understand what's going with me." He pauses for a breath. "Except you."

And this wasn't how he pictured today going at all. He wished he would have gone to school like any normal day, sat by Louis, and talked to him. Then proceeded to play video games after school with him, wishing he could cuddle with him in his probably really big bed.

But that wasn't how this day went. It went downhill real fast, and most likely would continue to snowball at this rate.

Harry's phone was suddenly buzzing in his pocket. It was probably his mum calling to see where he was. He turned a little to the side, trying not to detach from Louis while simultaneously reaching for his phone. It worked somehow, and he answered it in time, not bothering too look at the caller ID.

"Hello, Harry here!"

Harry could feel Louis' smile on him.

There was a little buzz of noise, and Louis couldn't make what they were saying but the person didn't sound happy.

"I- what- that's ridiculous. I didn't- stop saying that- you know nothing- who are yo-?"

The call was cut off, and Harry huffed, annoyance clear in his mood. It had changed drastically, and Louis wondered if he was going to get hit. It wouldn't be the first time he had. He was the closest thing to the person when they were angry. It was his fault anyways, shouldn't have been sitting on the end of the couch.

Harry tossed his phone on the ground, not looking at it as it continued to ring. He turned completely towards Louis' so he was facing him, Louis still wrapped tight around Harry's body, holding on for dear life. He never wanted Louis to let go.

They were silent for a good 10 minutes before Harry spoke up.

"Yeah, I know it's hard, but you had to come out eventually. Right?"

Louis stiffened in Harry's arms, and Harry just wanted to kiss the nerves away.

_There was no need to be nervous._

Harry tightened his grip around Louis, and kissed his forehead. It was smooth like the rest of his body. Well, the parts he'd touched so far.

"Harry, I can't my parents would never allow it in their home," Louis said, brokenly. It hurt Harry so much.

"Wait, how long have you known?"

"About 2 years. It started getting hard when I saw you in the beginning of the year. I told myself not to get involved. I would always try, and ignore you, and not go anywhere near you."

Harry could see how sorry Louis really was, but he had no reason to be.

"It got even worse when you looked sick, and all I wanted to do was hold you, and make you feel better."

That was news to Harry.

"Louis, you do realize I've had a crush on you for about year and a half, right?" He chuckled a little, close to Louis' ear. "Maybe it was all those verbal punches that drew me in," he whispered as though there were so many people around, and he only wanted Louis to hear his words. Even though they were completely alone.

"Harry, I'm so sorry I shouldn't have ever said those things. Looking back now, I know I was just hurting myself, too. I would go home, and cry, and wish I never said those things to you Harry. I was stupid, and selfish," Louis said snuggling closer to Harry.

They just fit, Harry thought, the way that they were laying should've been uncomfortable but it wasn’t. They were tangled in each other’s arms, and Harry felt extremely safe.

"You're not stupid or selfish, Louis, you were just confused or maybe you still are, an that is okay. Not everyone knows what they want." Harry let out another huff. "Although I wish I weren't the one you were testing the waters on."

But that's a lie. He didn't mind if he got to kiss Louis until he realized what he wanted, or snuggle with him until he decided maybe he didn't like boys or girls. It was okay with Harry, but he wasn't going to make himself seem too willing.

They didn't talk again for a while, and Harry finally untangled himself from the warmth. The only warmth that will ever keep Harry warm anymore. No blanket will measure up now.

He put the blanket in the back seat, and opened Louis' door for him. _A true gentleman_ , he thought, smiling to himself. He rounded to the driver size, and picked up his phone before getting into the car. He put the keys into the ignition to put the heat on. It was so cold for an early fall day. It was around 9:30pm, and Harry wondered where the day went. Oh yeah, he spent it with Louis when they were supposed to be in school.

They were almost to Harry's house when Louis turned the volume of the radio down, and Harry was singing lowly. He turned his head to yell at Louis for doing that. Driver always got the controls over the radio. It was an unspoken rule. But before he said anything, Louis started talking first.

"I do know what I want."

"What's that?"

"I want you." Louis was being so confident now, and staring into Harry's eyes.

Harry looked away. He couldn't look at Louis when he was telling him one thing that was the complete opposite what he wanted a few hours ago. He shook his head, looking down as they reached a red light.

"Lou, you say that now but come tomorrow, you'll be saying otherwise," he softly stated.

"No, I won't, Harry. I know what I want."

_He's a very persistent person. I love it._

"Okay, say you mean what you said for now. I'm going to ask you a question." Louis was blushing, and holding his breath.

Harry hesitated to add dramatic effect. "Would you like to go to the library with me after school to study?"

Louis let go of the breath he was holding in, and smiled so big that Harry couldn't help but smile as well. "Yes," he said. "I would love that."

They sat in comfortable silence until they reached Harry's house. It was nice knowing he could sing in front of Louis, and not worry about Louis judging him. He may judge the song choice, but never Harry's voice.

Harry got to his driveway, and stopped at the edge so Louis didn't have to walk so far from Harry's car to his. They unbuckled in unison, smiling to themselves. Harry was about to get out of the car when he heard little snuffles coming from the passenger seat.

"I don't wanna go home," he choked out.

"Lou, come here."

Harry reached for Louis without hesitation. They were hugging over the gear shift, and it was uncomfortable, but Harry didn't want to let Louis go. The warmth was back in Harry's body until he felt Louis pull away, and it was gone again. He was rubbing his eyes to get rid of the tears.

"Please don't hate me," he heard faintly.

"I don't hate you, and I never could."

"You should hate me," Louis said sternly.

"But I don't, " Harry said, just as sternly back.

"I know."

He could hear the unshed tears in his voice.

"I'll see you tomorrow? Same time, same place?" Louis asked suddenly, removing himself from the car, and heading to his own rather quickly.

Harry watched as Louis got in his car, and pulled away with ease. He watched his car drive to the end of the street, and make a left, and then he's gone, along with warmth Harry was craving.

"Same time, same place," he said to himself when he finally reached his door before going inside.

Ignoring his mother he went straight to bed, falling alseep with a smile on his face.


End file.
